Moving Forward While Looking Back

28 Jul

As I mentioned, I am obsessed with the blog HelloGiggles. A lot of their posts strike me because they seem to reach out and write about situations that I am going through.

This one particular article, “How to Cope With a BFF Breakup” really struck a nerve for me. I have not lost my best friend, which I feel very fortunate about- though she is running around Brazil for the next few weeks and I am going crazy having no one to text weird things to all day every day- but recently I went through a strange, confusing period where I lost several of my friends in a very short period of time.

photo courtesy: hellogiggles.com

When I graduated I seemed to lose several friends that, over the course of two years, I had developed a very strong bond with. I don’t actually know why: there were no arguments or awkward moments that I could recollect that would warrant a sudden cut off from everything. If there was, trust me, I would have brought something up. I’ve never been the type of person to dance around problems and pretend everything was okay, because I know that gets people nowhere. Nevertheless, my friendships ended.

I tried to revive things but I wasn’t getting very far, and then I found this article. It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. At the time I was angry: social media allowed me to see how much fun everyone was having without me, almost like the whole world was in on a big prank and I was the one being dooped. I was bitter and jealous and acting like a petty little girl. When I read this article I realized that life goes on. And yeah, it totally sucks to lose friends, and it’s okay to be upset about it, but I am 22-years-old now, time to be a big girl. I reached out, did what I could and now it is time to move on.

My handsome hero

The most important person in my life, my boyfriend Alex, is a very calm,gently and understanding man. He’s pretty much everything I’m not. He is always there for me, even when I’m being crazy and weird. There were many, many times that I would cry to him about losing my friends, and all I could ask him was:

“Why don’t they like me anymore?”

Now that I look at this question it’s almost embarrassing, and Alex made it clear as to why. He explained to me that people change, and that the people who don’t like me for who I’ve become shouldn’t matter.

I have moved on from the friends in the past, and now I am looking to fill up that hole that I lost when we parted ways. I feel so lucky to have friends that I have known for years, some more than a decade, and who I can still laugh with and hang out with (now with alcohol). One of my best friends has been a part of my life since the second grade, when we were awkward and weird with way too many printed turtlenecks (thanks mom). I now feel slightly guilty that I allowed those friendships to slip by.

Luckily, my old friends are better people than I, and have welcomed me back into their lives so warmly, as if nothing has changed. In the last two months I have seen faces that I have not seen in months, even years. I’ve laughed about old times and created new memories.

Now that I am allowing myself to live without wondering why I am not good enough for a few people and celebrating the people that love me for me I have felt happier and more fulfilled than I have in a long time. Life is turning up some new and better changes amongst the messes that it creates!

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One Response to “Moving Forward While Looking Back”

  1. ALICIA! August 9, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    BESTSIES

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