The Good, the Bad, the Emmy’s

20 Sep

I love award shows. They give me the opportunity to click through dozens of online photo galleries and judge richer, more successful people for what they are wearing (clothes I would never be able to afford, mind you).

To be honest, I don’t like watching awards shows as much as I love sitting online and looking at pictures of dresses. So, yeah, I didn’t actually watch the Emmys but I get the Emmys general idea. Now that the awards show is wrapped up I thought I would share my opinions on the best and worsts of Emmys style, since I’m oh-so-fashionable and my opinion is super important.

The Best

Red! The women of the red carpet seriously rocked the reds. Kerry Washington, Lea Michele, Kate Winslet and at least a dozen of other starlets rocked some shade of red. Long red gowns, some strapless and some like Kate Winslet’s on the left that looked totally sexy and daring. I loved the red accessories as well: one of my favorite outfits of the night came from “The Big Bang Theory’s” Kaley Kuoco, who paired a black tea-length dress with red satin peep toes and a red satin purse. I also noticed a lot of shades of plum, pink and coral, like host Jane Lynch’s awesome plum strapless gown and stacked bangles.

The second hottest trend of the night? Neutrals. While some stars really failed at the neutral dresses others found a way to show in a more subtle color like beige, tan or even light grey. Jane Krakowski, Maria Bello and Anna Faris (who, fun fact, is married to Andy Dwyer from “Parks and Rec”… thank’s Emmys!) were just a few of the women that paired a calm color with amazing embellishments to create a seriously successful look. Heidi Klum’s nude Christian Siriano dress popped with a giant, puffed out pile of frill on the bottom (to any fashion designer that might read this, please be gentle, I don’t know terms!)

The best part about the dresses that came onto the red carpet were the colors. They all had a bit of a natural tone to them, and with fall beginning to… umm.. fall… it seemed like they were really appropriate for the season.

Dressed: Women
My top three best dressed actresses was a tough pick. Honestly, when I watch an award show I usually find a ton of disasters. Maybe because I have very limited style or maybe because I’m picky, I don’t know, but I usually can get a pretty good laugh at the red carpet. On this night, however, most women played it really smart and looked great. But these three women stood out as soon as I saw them, and I’m totally jealous.

Aubrey Plaza of “Parks and Recreation” was a surprise to me that night. On the show she plays a pretty immature kid, dressing in Uggs and sweaters with lots of eyeliner and straight, plain hair. She’s just ordinary, but still a very cute ordinary. At the Emmys Aubrey let the grown-up in her shine, with a very elegant cream gown. It was slightly form-fitting at the hips and billowy up to the neck with a subtle ruffle. Then she took these two awesome thick gold bangles and put one on each wrist, with simple nails, makeup and a really gorgeous hairstyle. She looked so beautiful and so mature.

I don’t actually know why Kelly Osbourne was at the Emmys, but I’m glad she was because she looked hot. Kelly was wearing this super dramatic one-shoulder plum evening gown, that kind of did a mermaid thing at the bottom and was tight everywhere else. She’s got awesome curves for a skinny girl and they were shining in this dress. She also seemed to have really light pink highlights in her hair (bleach blonde) that complimented the dress she was wearing, and she was smiling so much in every picture she posed in that it’s kind of hard not to see how gorgeous of a girl she is.

Sarah Hyland of “Modern Family” is my number one without a doubt. The minute I saw her dress I swooned. It’s completely gorgeous, it looks fabulous on her and I am in love with her accessories. She collaborated with Christian Siriano to create the dress, and there isn’t a thing about it I don’t love. The color and the belted waist are my main sellers. Plus she paired it with a totally rocking bracelet on the middle of her arm, which is a little bit bold but just enough for an award’s show (in my opinion). Love.

Dressed: Men

So if you haven’t guess it by now I am not a fashion designer. If you were looking at me in Alex’s that I stole my Florida Gators shirt and 5+ year old sweatpants you would have no idea, but I don’t know much about style. That being said, take a wild guess at my level of expertise when it comes to mens fashion…

Yeah none.

This is how I gauge men’s fashion: if he looks handsome, it’s a success. I am a traditional girl. I like a Don Draper/Disney Prince looking guy when it comes to these awards shows. After all, they are one of the last events that really require a person to get serious and put on a damn set of cufflinks and bow tie. I like a man that walks on the red carpet looking like he took some time to get ready for the evening: he styled his hair, shaved, pressed his suit, gave half a damn about his appearance. If it were my world, men would have to dress like this every day!

That being said, I did have some men that were the Don to my Betty. Ed Helms, from “The Office”, looked just adorable. He was clean cut, with a nice little bit of style and a simple tux. He wasn’t trying to be flashy or obnoxious, he was going out on the red carpet dressed to impress. Don’t get me wrong, I love the pastel pants that Andy Bernard rocks every week in Scranton, but I’m glad he played it safe for the Emmys.

Uncle Jesse John Stamos is a god in the world of men. Anything he does, says or wears is perfect. That is all.

I’m not normally a Mario Lopez fan. He’s super muscle-y and wears really tight shirts on T.V. that kind of gross me out.  Nevertheless, I was loving the way he looked last night. His suit, in my professional opinion, fit him perfectly. So many dudes on the red carpet were rocking these skinny legged pants… what are we at Hot Topic? Put on a pair of slacks and act like a man. Show ’em how it’s done, A.C. Slater!

The Worst

What was with the nerd glasses last night ladies and gentlemen? Apparently the hot new accessory is ironic hipster glasses? Because they match a three-piece tuxedo or evening gown so glamorously and don’t make you look portentous at all.

Rachel Harris, Darren Criss, Guy Pearce, Jerry Ferrara and Mark Salling were a few of the stars rocking the really out of place glasses last night. Has anyone ever seen Turtle rock a pair of super thick-rimmed nerd specs on “Entourage”? No, because they are obnoxious. Not only do they look stupid, but everyone knows that none of these celebs actually need them, they are just throwing them on to appear more intellectual or something. I don’t know, but I don’t like it.

Above all, though, my least favorite trend of the night came from the men. It seemed as though every Rite Aid in California ran out of razors overnight, because the number of five o’clock shadows at the Emmys was overwhelming. Jon Hamm, Adam Scott, Joel McHale, three men that I find irresistible in any other context looked terrible last night because they all decided to look dirty and mangy and not shave or style their hair.

Here’s the thing, men of the small screen: You are at an awards show honoring you for your life’s work. You are not at an Arby’s. It might have been cool when you were a teenager to dress sloppy and work really hard to show that you don’t care, but at a national awards show you better bring your class. I wonder if Jeremy Piven just didn’t feel like shaving, so we texted his friend Jason O’Mara to not shave who texted his friend Mark Wahlberg and so on and so on until they all went into last night looking like a unified bunch of slobs.

Women, on the other hand, seemed to forget how to do their hair last night. There were a whole mess of ‘do’s that were complete don’ts (see that, mom, I’m getting clever!).

Kristen Wiig had a pretty impressive dress: a chocolate brown gown with layers of gold and other similar tints and a deep neckline. It looked great on her, but her dress was completely overshadowed by her horrible choice of matching hair color. Kristen’s locks were flat and drab and made her look like a straight up mess. She’s cute as a blonde, and I think if she had picked a better hair color she would have been one of my best dressed of the night.

Katie Holmes looked like a mess from all angles. I’m looking online now, and she is listed as one of the best dressed of the night, and in a plain blue oversized dress with a belt that didn’t fit, I couldn’t disagree more. Then she took her hair, forgot to shower for, like, eight days and flipped it back and that was just the icing on the greasy hair cake.

Elisabeth Moss was one of my biggest disappointments. She’s totally adorable as Peggy on “Mad Men” but last night she fell short in all departments. Her dress washed her out and made her orange-y tan-line really pop and that wacky blowout she’s got going did nothing to help. I have to assume, with the way some of these women looked last night, that it was super duper windy, or humid, or something to have set these actresses off.

Dressed: Women
While there were a stunning number of hits in the fashion department last night, there will always be the occasional miss. Some people (me, myself, I, etc.) just don’t know how to dress.

I love Amy Poehler. It’s pretty obvious from my big long rambling post declaring my love to her that I love Amy Poehler. That’s why it breaks my heart to say that she was one of the worst dressed women at the Emmys. Amy was wearing this tight metallic blue dress made out of some type of fabric that looked like it belonged on an ice skating outfit. The top of the dress looked like a t-shirt from a Spice Girls Halloween costume and the bottom looked like it was half of an alien. I was super bummed. The form looked great on her, but that’s about where the compliments end.

Jenna Ushkowitz and Amber Riley of “Glee” managed to be found in many pictures together, both dressed terribly. Jenna looked like she had just gotten back from prom in 1987 in a black and white geometric taffeta gown with super sharp makeup and a slick, high ponytail, while Amber donned a lavender mother-of-the-bride frock with way too much bunching and awkwardly placed beading. Here’s my tip: when shopping for the Emmys don’t stop at Goodwill.

My least favorite of the night went to Lena Headley, placing first in genuine awful-ness. Lena decided to channel “The Crucible” for her outfit, going with a long-sleeve, floor length black nun’s outfit gown and a sloppy hairstyle. I wonder when, while getting ready, Lena looked at herself and though ‘yeah, this looks good and not totally psychotic’, because I wish I was there to slap the sane back into her head.

Dressed: Men
It saddens me to announce my top three worst dressed men, because they are also three actors that I really like. They are usually handsome and can look pretty great on television, but last night they totally shocked me.

My dream man, Jon Hamm did not live up to the looks of his alter-ego Don Draper at the 2011 Emmys. Instead he is rocking a tux that you can find on the discount rental rack at Men’s Wearhouse. Add that to his unshaved face and a greasy, too-long doo that kept falling out of place and you have the opposite of my Mad Man.

Topher Grace, while clean shaven and handsome in the whole face area, really struck out with his tux. He looked like a little boy in his dad’s suit. Topher isn’t a huge-looking guy, and by wearing a giant suit with 6,000 buttons, huge shoulder pads and even bigger pockets he looked super ridiculous. His jacket almost looked like a trench coat I have in my closet. Though I do love that coat…

Oh, Joel McHale. Such looks, such character, such terrible outfit choices. When a man is wearing a suit jacket and dress pants tighter than any woman at the event’s dress you know you have a problem. Joel tried so hard to look hip and modern that he completely struck out and ended up just looking silly. I mean, honestly, can’t we push the hideous trends of today aside for a few hours and stick with a simple, clean look that stands the test of time? Could you imagine how handsome he would look in a real suit? What a waste of face.


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