Radio Songs That Got to Go: January

19 Jan

I am one of the few people left in the world that still listens to the radio. My iPod is really old and dies pretty quickly, I don’t have a CD player or satellite radio in my car, and I don’t want to waste the battery on my phone for music.

As I am kind of subjecting myself to the radio every day, I probably shouldn’t be complaining, but I’m going to anyway.

The radio needs new music.

Every couple of months I reach this breaking point in the radio: a point where I am yelling at it to stop playing the same songs on every single station. Seriously, I flipped through three stations playing the same song at the same time last week. So I’ve decided to chronicle the songs of this current time that need to go. Of course in a month or so I’ll have a whole new list, but here are the songs of now that make me cringe to think about.

1.  Moves Like Jagger: Maroon 5
First of all, I’m surprised that Maroon 5 is still a band. Second of all, I can’t believe that this song is still on the radio. It came out months ago to promote The Sing Off (I might have the name wrong, there is seriously about 2 billion singing contests on television with all almost-identical names) and, as the show prepares for it’s second season, I am still forced to hear Adam Levine’s “…ooOOOOooOOOOoooOOOOves like Jaggerrrr” 900 times a day.

2.  Pretty Pretty Please: Pink
I try my best to really be into Philadelphia-born artists, no matter what their genre, but gosh darn I can’t stand Pink and her decade-old hair style, or this song. I mean, as soon as I hear her overly-raspy-but-not-in-a-cool-way whine come on my motor skills kick in to instantly turn the channel.

3. It Will Rain: Bruno Mars
Bruno Mars is a fairly new singer, and his first couple of songs were really cool, but this one is the epitome of flops. I feel like the fact that he’s such a trend got this song on the radio, because honestly, who likes hearing Bruno Mars whine for three minutes? I can’t even understand the words: all through December I could have swore it was a new Christmas song.

4.  Love You Like a Love Song: Selena Gomez
I like Selena Gomez. She’s totally adorable, and when this song came on I loved it! It’s classy meets a little fierce. But I hear this song on almost every radio station all day, every day. And no, I don’t want to keep hitting repe-pe-pe-pe-pe-peat.

5. Mr Know-It-All: Kelly Clarkson
Oh, Kelly. What are you doing? How many times can one person rhyme the word “all” with itself in one song? Seriously, the next time you hear this song stop, listen to the lyrics, and actually process them. They don’t say anything! It’s so un-creative and lazy on so many levels.

6. Give Me Everything: Pitbull
Some may know this song by it’s original title, “That Song That Was Shoved Down Our Throats Endlessly While Promoting That Movie About New Year’s Eve.”  We get it, Lea Michele looks cute when she laughs and Ashton Kutcher is always up to some wacky antics. Pitbull is the Lil’ Jon of this decade, he is in every single song. Please, radio, pick any other one of those and stop playing this one!

7. The One That Got Away: Katy Perry
When Katy Perry isn’t singing about parties or crushes on boys (or girls. Hey, that’s what got her start!) or anything else cutesie I really don’t have any interest in her music. Katy Perry is another star that totally smothers the radio with all of her songs right now. If she’s going to do that, put out some new ones that we can at least bop our heads to.

8. Not Over You: Gavin DeGraw
I am over you, Gavin…

Come on people, that song title was begging for it.

9. Stereo Hearts:  Gym Class Heroes and Adam Levine
There’s a line where they talk about skipping tracks on a record. Since this song has hit the airwaves, it sounds like a skipping track. My heart is not a stereo, it is an mp3 player, and it’s on shuffle, so… new song!

10. Headlines: Drake
What’s the deal with Drake? Who likes this guy? He sounds like he has a cold in every song he has ever put out! Somebody get this guy some Mucinex!! And then, on top of that, all he raps about is how successful and rich he is! I don’t want to hear about your DeGrassi (yea, he was the kid in the wheelchair on DeGrassi, IMDB it.) money! That’s just in bad taste!

Runners up include: Good Life by OneRepublic, Without You by David Guetta and Usher, Last Friday Night (also) by Katy Perry, You Make Me Feel Like by Cobra Starshop, Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People, You and I by Lady Gaga, and It Girl by Jason Derulo. Time for a change, radios.

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