Tag Archives: Complaints

Trends I’m Too Young to Not Understand

30 Mar

If my awkward attempts at humor haven’t clued you in on who I am, I can flat out tell you: I’m not that trendy. I don’t know what my problem is, really. I guess I just don’t have any interest in investing myself into something that’s cool at the moment, only to realize in a month that it’s no longer what the kids are into. I wasted my money on trends like that all through high school and I’m over it!

Through that disinterest I have also began to realize how weird, pointless and kind of stupid these trends are. I know as a member of the young adult population I am supposed to “get” them, but I can’t. So here’s my long, rambling rant about weird trends that are super hip and don’t make a lick of sense to me.

Mustache coffee mugs, phone covers, pillow cases, party themes… What the heck!? Since when has something so ordinary and

This is stupid, so is your trend.

kind of gross become hip? A mustache on a man has never ever looked attractive. They get food in them and wiggle around

when they talk and they are awful for kissing. They are stupid, and so is this trend. I don’t understand why all of the sudden

everyone is supposed to cover their houses with mustaches. Mustaches. Really? Now guys are walking around with stupid mustaches like the one Captain Hook has in “Hook” and thinking they look trendy? No you don’t! You look like a sheep in ugly facial hair. There’s a reason the handlebar mustache has gone away in our society, please don’t bring it back as some sort of ironic gesture, hipsters.

I can see where this might be fun to some. Heck, I could see myself having fun in the right setting of a giant paint party similar to DayGlow, but in its true form the whole idea looks horrible! Hey lets all get in a car and drive to a big warehouse then stand around in a group of thousands of people with no room to move (and no way to get drinks and make the whole experience more bearable) then attempt to wiggle around AKA dance inside the mass of screaming people while other people squirt paint on us and play really loud DubStep (another loud trend I don’t get) for a short period of time, then get in the car soaking wet from other peoples’ sweat and paint and go home and shower. For one, that paint must be terrible for the interior of your car, and it’s all just way too much. Too many people crammed together, too much work to get to that point. Too, too much for very little reward.

Bon Iver
Bon Iver is terrible. Weird, shrieky, spacey junk. I refuse to explain any further or listen to any more of it, and I wish everyone else would stop posting weird Bon Iver videos on my Facebook. The end.

It’s not that I don’t get Instagram. I know exactly what it is although I don’t own an iPhone and have never

Duck faces AND instagram? You're flawless, why cover it up with so much weird?!

used it. What I don’t understand is why people still use it. I mean you can just post photos on Twitter and Facebook directly from your phone, and they don’t come out grainy and in sepia tone. I guess if it came out for a Droid I would try it, but I still don’t see the point and it would bother me that my pictures wouldn’t be clear. Someone explained to me that “using Instagram instantly makes your pictures look good when they aren’t actually good, which is why so many girls like taking pictures of themselves and posting them all over the place”, but if that’s the case everyone knows you’re just cheating! Ladies, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, and don’t cover it up with annoying filters!

Wait, wait, wait. I thought everyone had unanimously agreed a few years ago that using word abbreviations in everyday speech was lame? Now it’s cool again? Since when!? Apparently YOLO (or you only live once, for the people like me that don’t understand most trends without the help of Google) is a way for college girls to drink a lot and make bad decisions without judging themselves. The thing is though, I also realize that IOLO (I only live once, get it? No? Eh.) and I choose to use that time to make good choices, like, you know, not say YOLO. You can’t erase big mistakes people, remember that before you do your little YOLO chant or whatever.

This super, duper trendy diet is odd to say the least. I love the concept: eat meat and veggies all day, but I can’t quite grasp the entire idea. There’s a lot of “you can eat this, but not if it’s this, this, this or this” and “you can eat that but not if it has this much this or that much that in it.” I don’t really understand how to ever get this right, and I’ve tried to because any excuse to eat steak every day is good to me. Paleo fans swear by it, with that super condescending “it’s actually not thaaaaaaat hard” kind of tone whenever someone like me tries to make sense of it. Trust me, I’ve worked at Whole Foods. I’ve heard the Paleo talk more than I’d ever wanted to. So I guess if going Paleo turns you into a totally self-righteous lame-o I don’t want to give it a try.

America: Please Stop Paying Attention to Snooki

29 Feb

It is crazy how many times I have heard the name (that’s not a name but whatever) Snooki today. There’s some big rumor going around that she’s pregnant, so apparently the earth has to stop rotating and work has to stop entirely so everyone can discuss this disastrous event. I’m slowly losing faith in humanity.

First of all, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Snooki isn’t pregnant. This is a person that has become famous for contributing absolutely nothing to

Photo courtesy: TMZ

society. She’s famous for being Snooki, she has no other way to get attention than to stick her face in a camera and yell. America is getting bored with her and she needs to get everyone’s attention. What better way to do that then to start a fake pregnancy story? Come on, people, this is how she stays in the spotlight.

To all those out there drawn to this trash: please, please do not entertain it! It is embarrassing that we as a society are connected to such trash, such meaningless garbage. Stay away from Perez Hilton today. Instead, go to a real news source and learn about the real world you are living in!

We can end this, people! We can take people like Snooki and the Situation out of the spotlight and put them back in the community colleges and dive bars they belong in!

Are you with me!?

…Probably not… sigh.

Am I the only one that hates All-Star weekends?

25 Feb

The NBA All-Star weekend is upon us and I can’t stand it. It’s pretty much how I feel about every professional sports’ All Star game. They are the worst and I don’t understand why everyone loves them so much.

Every time an All-Star game or event comes around I try my best to get excited about it, which is why I settled in to watch the BBVA Rising Starschallenge last night with

Oh what's that, 76ers' Evan Turner? You dunked at the game last night? Oh what a surprise...

Alex and a Slurpee. None of my other friends wanted to watch it, and I’m pretty sure my Slurpee hated it because it seemed to melt faster than usual. I can’t say I blame them. When a game ends 146-133, you know you’re watching a snoozefest.

It’s pretty ridiculous to call last night’s game a “challenge”. It should be something like a “scrimmage” or a “pile-o-crap.” The only highlight of last night was that I got to see me some Shaq, the secret love of my life. The rest of what I watched was a bunch of guys lightly jogging between nets, then slamming on the basket like they were Harlem Globetrotters while any defense tucked their arms tightly to their sides and stepped back (note: the Harlem Globetrotters are performers… they are fake). No pressure or heat, no angry coaches yelling, no audience cheering… nothing that makes sports fun!

It’s not just the NBA All Star weekend that I can’t stand, it’s every celebrity All Star game. They’re not fun to watch, ladies and gentlemen. ESPN and other sports networks just try to tell us they are to sell t-shirts. By the time this game ends I always end up feeling completely bored and begging for the regular season to come back on.

I understand why players would tread so lightly on these games. What’s the point in playing hard and risking an injury on a game that means absolutely nothing? I get that, but if everyone understands that then why waste a full weekend so famous athletes can play with their friends on camera?

Yeah, I’ll complain, but there’s nothing I can do! So I guess I’ll settle in and watch the dunk contest tonight and I’m sure in upcoming sports I’ll be there watching again. It could be worse…

I could be watching “Whitney.”

The Laws of the Twitter-verse

25 Jan

In the last year I have really gotten into Twitter (see my tweets on the right). It was a great way to apply to jobs and stay connected to the news, plus sometimes celebrities post funny YouTube videos.

I’d love to say I’ve gotten pretty acclimated to Twitter.  I understand the unwritten rules, I know the best tweeters and I know which ones to avoid. So I’m here to spread my knowledge unto you, to broaden your minds with my tweetdom.

5 Twitter Don’ts

1. #LearnHowToHashTag
#PuttingAFullSentenceInAHashTagIsPointless. I’m sorry, it just drives me nuts. The point of a hash tag is to relay a topic that could interest other tweeters. If you click your hash tag, and there are no other trending tags, you are doing it wrong! For example, “Man I really love #WillSmith. Big Willie Style all the way!” Below is just one of the many bad hash tags I see every day. Learn from me, it will change your Twitter world.

2. Avoid shameless RT’s
Just because a celebrity RT’s your desperate cry for attention does not mean that they know or care about you. I feel like if the re-tweet option was used correctly, we could actually have celebrities give valid responses from time to time. And, no, I’m not saying it’s bad to give a shout-out to your favorite artist, (Will Smith, maybe? I love Will Smith too much and he doesn’t have a Twitter, breaks my heart.) I’m saying that posting “@Madonna RT PLEASE!?” is annoying for everyone, especially Madonna (but then again I don’t know her life).

3. Leave out the little details
I seriously don’t care what breakfast cereal you had this morning. I don’t need to know that you’re on your way to the gym and there’s sooo much traffic. I, and the rest of the world, don’t care. Found 50 bucks? That’s cool, let me know about it! Karate-kicked a martian? Post a pic! Baking brownies? Save it for a text to your mom.

4. Wrap It Up
There’s a reason tweets were made to contain 140 characters. Keep it short, keep it sweet. Like this segment, which is Twitter-size.

5. Stop being so cryptic
Oh my gosh, if another girl posts a quote from a Nicholas Sparks book about love. If you are trying to tell a man you have a crush on him, he will not be able to tell from your obnoxious song lyric that you posted on line. Save the drama for… anywhere but a public social networking site. It’s embarrassing, ladies.

5 Best Tweeters

1. @Old Man Search
Basically a man told his 82-year-old father that Twitter is the Google search bar, so it’s a collection of all the things he thinks he is actually Googling. I love the elderly. This will make you laugh, I guarantee it.

2. @Fake Yahoo News
I’m not going to act like I’m not still totally addicted to Yahoo news, but they are known for having some seriously stupid stories. This is a hilarious parody of all those crappy “newsworthy” stories that seem to be smothering our Interwebs.

3. @Kanye West
He doesn’t post too often anymore, but his tweets are so unintentionally hilarious and over-the-top. I like to picture him saying these things out loud in his rapper voice, makes me laugh even harder.

4. @Zach Galifianakis
Subtly hilarious, with a few of those moments that make you think, “Oh my gosh, can he say that!?” all while making you crack up. Check out his Tumblr too, just as funny.

5. @ Shit Girls Say
Yeah I know, I’ve already mentioned that this trend is donezo. But this is still undeniably funny. I say all of these things, often. And to make it better, I never ever hear men say them. I hope they never stop tweeting.

5 Worst Tweeters

1. @Ricky Gervais
Of course I am a Ricky Gervais fan. He’s hilarious and English. I actually met Ricky Gervais at the premiere of “Night at the Museum 2” (see the awesome picture on my right) and he was a genuinely nice and funny guy during the 2 minute conversation we shared. I love his work, love his Podcasts and hate his Twitter account. I tried to like it so badly, because I like him so much, but after several months of watching him argue about religion with a bunch of followers I couldn’t take it anymore.

I don’t follow any particular religions myself, but I also don’t insist on shoving my beliefs down anyone’s throats, and I can’t stand when anyone else (Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Agnostic, anything) tries to do the same. It’s a pointless argument with no end. I followed Gervais to laugh about his dumb friend Karl, not watch him fight about the existence of a god.

2. @Kim Kardasian
Kim Kardashian is a freaking idiot. That whole family is just plain unbelievable. I could rant and rave, but I’ll hold back. Anyway, if you want to see a spoiled rich girl whine about her big life issues while using bad grammer, be sure to follow Kim. Go to college, kids.

3. @Chris Brown
If you need a reminder of how much of a douchebag (and I use that word because I have no other way to really get across the personality of him) Chris Brown is, just look at his intro on his twitter account. Sorry, but I have zero respect for a person that beats women, then snaps every time someone calls him out on it, then just retweets all of the compliments other idiots send him. The guy obviously needs people patting him on the back reminding him of what he once was, it’s embarrassing.

4. @Alec Baldwin
I’m an Alec Baldwin girl. There are few things more attractive than a smooth-talking man with a nice haircut in a suit. But I’m also not into politics. This falls into line with the Ricky Gervais account. Too much politics, too much time spent forcing his ideals onto me, not enough “30 Rock” jokes.

5. @Paris Hilton
I know what you’re thinking, guys. Erica, how could you possibly name Paris Hilton as annoying!? Well, sadly folks, it is true. Strike one is when she brands herself as an “actress, singer, business woman and author” in her “About me” section. Strike two is her use of herself in underwear as her wallpaper. Strike three is her terribly repetitive use of smiley faces, exclamation points, and over-the-top optimism. And I’m out.

Radio Songs That Got to Go: January

19 Jan

I am one of the few people left in the world that still listens to the radio. My iPod is really old and dies pretty quickly, I don’t have a CD player or satellite radio in my car, and I don’t want to waste the battery on my phone for music.

As I am kind of subjecting myself to the radio every day, I probably shouldn’t be complaining, but I’m going to anyway.

The radio needs new music.

Every couple of months I reach this breaking point in the radio: a point where I am yelling at it to stop playing the same songs on every single station. Seriously, I flipped through three stations playing the same song at the same time last week. So I’ve decided to chronicle the songs of this current time that need to go. Of course in a month or so I’ll have a whole new list, but here are the songs of now that make me cringe to think about.

1.  Moves Like Jagger: Maroon 5
First of all, I’m surprised that Maroon 5 is still a band. Second of all, I can’t believe that this song is still on the radio. It came out months ago to promote The Sing Off (I might have the name wrong, there is seriously about 2 billion singing contests on television with all almost-identical names) and, as the show prepares for it’s second season, I am still forced to hear Adam Levine’s “…ooOOOOooOOOOoooOOOOves like Jaggerrrr” 900 times a day.

2.  Pretty Pretty Please: Pink
I try my best to really be into Philadelphia-born artists, no matter what their genre, but gosh darn I can’t stand Pink and her decade-old hair style, or this song. I mean, as soon as I hear her overly-raspy-but-not-in-a-cool-way whine come on my motor skills kick in to instantly turn the channel.

3. It Will Rain: Bruno Mars
Bruno Mars is a fairly new singer, and his first couple of songs were really cool, but this one is the epitome of flops. I feel like the fact that he’s such a trend got this song on the radio, because honestly, who likes hearing Bruno Mars whine for three minutes? I can’t even understand the words: all through December I could have swore it was a new Christmas song.

4.  Love You Like a Love Song: Selena Gomez
I like Selena Gomez. She’s totally adorable, and when this song came on I loved it! It’s classy meets a little fierce. But I hear this song on almost every radio station all day, every day. And no, I don’t want to keep hitting repe-pe-pe-pe-pe-peat.

5. Mr Know-It-All: Kelly Clarkson
Oh, Kelly. What are you doing? How many times can one person rhyme the word “all” with itself in one song? Seriously, the next time you hear this song stop, listen to the lyrics, and actually process them. They don’t say anything! It’s so un-creative and lazy on so many levels.

6. Give Me Everything: Pitbull
Some may know this song by it’s original title, “That Song That Was Shoved Down Our Throats Endlessly While Promoting That Movie About New Year’s Eve.”  We get it, Lea Michele looks cute when she laughs and Ashton Kutcher is always up to some wacky antics. Pitbull is the Lil’ Jon of this decade, he is in every single song. Please, radio, pick any other one of those and stop playing this one!

7. The One That Got Away: Katy Perry
When Katy Perry isn’t singing about parties or crushes on boys (or girls. Hey, that’s what got her start!) or anything else cutesie I really don’t have any interest in her music. Katy Perry is another star that totally smothers the radio with all of her songs right now. If she’s going to do that, put out some new ones that we can at least bop our heads to.

8. Not Over You: Gavin DeGraw
I am over you, Gavin…

Come on people, that song title was begging for it.

9. Stereo Hearts:  Gym Class Heroes and Adam Levine
There’s a line where they talk about skipping tracks on a record. Since this song has hit the airwaves, it sounds like a skipping track. My heart is not a stereo, it is an mp3 player, and it’s on shuffle, so… new song!

10. Headlines: Drake
What’s the deal with Drake? Who likes this guy? He sounds like he has a cold in every song he has ever put out! Somebody get this guy some Mucinex!! And then, on top of that, all he raps about is how successful and rich he is! I don’t want to hear about your DeGrassi (yea, he was the kid in the wheelchair on DeGrassi, IMDB it.) money! That’s just in bad taste!

Runners up include: Good Life by OneRepublic, Without You by David Guetta and Usher, Last Friday Night (also) by Katy Perry, You Make Me Feel Like by Cobra Starshop, Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People, You and I by Lady Gaga, and It Girl by Jason Derulo. Time for a change, radios.

SOPA… more like NOPE-a

18 Jan

Hahaha, my title is hilarious!! Okay, back to business.

If you haven’t heard about SOPA/PIPA well then you have a lot to catch up on. I don’t quite feel like explaining it here, because I wouldn’t do as good of a job as other reporters and bloggers, so Google it, or do your research on it! It’s a shame that such an important event is receiving such minimal coverage, but this is our Internet, get off Facebook and use it for good, not evil.

Lots of websites have joined a fight against SOPA/PIPA: Wikipedia is down today (so that means all you college students have to go out and actually research your projects today… sucks!), and Google, WordPress, Flickr, Wired and the browser Firefox have joined in to fight for whats right.

My fear is that through all of this, big media outlets will take over and cut out any chance for smaller, up-and-coming projects to develop. Big companies- like a certain partially-eaten fruit we’ve all become so addicted to- will be able to sue and block littler threats… basically shut them up. That sounds wrong doesn’t it? This is going to limit artists abilities to get their art seen and heard. Bad example for some, but Bieber wouldn’t be the star he is if not for YouTube covers. If this passed, he would have been locked up for posting those videos. How can this type of censorship even seem like a remotely good idea to anyone?

Listen, I agree with the government in some ways: things need to be done to protect the copyright and to keep online media flowing in an illegal and effective way to the viewer. Without it the music, movie, artists, photographers and journalism fields are suffering- trust me on the journo bit. But throwing our freedoms onto a fire like SOPA/PIPA? That’s insanity! We are in the early stages of this crazy battle against piracy, and to jump to such ridiculously over-the-top conclusions is, well, jumping to ridiculous and over-the-top conclusions! There should be better options for the viewer/listener/reader. We should be more focused on a more affordable and organized outlet for media, not focused on shutting down anything that is questionable or different. The world is full of people that do bad things, and our Internet can be a reflection of that. The government is not allowed to censor what goes on in the outside world, so why should this be any different online?

If you’re like me, and think that we shouldn’t be limited in our online choices, check out FightForTheFuture.org, and sign their petition to let our government know that we want our voices heard. They also need to know entirely banana bread this whole idea is, then get sent to bed with no dessert for being so bad.

Kar-azy Kardashian Krap

2 Nov

When I found out about the Kim and Kris divorce, at first I thought it was pretty hilarious. I mean, anyone with a brain would laugh at it. It’s painfully obvious that these Kardashian people have absolutely no reality in their actual lives,  even their underwear choice for the day is probably written into some bizarre script. I bet that, at their big, giant wedding, if the wind blew the wrong way the entire set that is their life would fall down and you would just find a couple greasy camera guys in a studio. It’s funny to me that everyone is treating it as if this is the disaster of a century or some giant shocking piece of news. Something can’t be news when its pretty much scripted!

First of all, I can’t stand that family. I can’t help but have zero respect for a family that pushes themselves into the spotlight through a twisted murder trial and a leaked sex tape.  The one that’s married to Lamar Odom and kind of resembles a Shih Tzu with botox (I honestly don’t know their names besides Kim. They all are just a bunch of “K’s”)  is by far the most obnoxious person I’ve ever heard speak or walk or exist. And then they push their younger kids (more “K” names, I’m assuming) into this lifestyle along with them, when they have no say in the matter. They’re going to turn into those crazy Jon and Kate kids!

Obviously I don’t just ignore the stuff going on in the trashy, celeb-media. I would probably be smarter and much more accomplished if I did, and I wouldn’t be sitting here dishing my thoughts on a 2-month old marriage where I know nothing about anyone involved, so I shouldn’t really be voicing my opinion in the first place, I suppose. But marriages end every day. Some don’t last as long as 72 days. The difference is, and what I believe gives me the right to stick my opinion in, is that those marriages aren’t shoved down our throats for months and months, force-fed to anyone that gets in line at a grocery store and stares at all those magazines with Kardashians pasted all over them while they wait to buy bread or beer or whatever. These reality fame hoarders take their big, gawdy, fingernails and poke us repeatedly over and over again right in the forehead, asking “Are you watching me yet? Did you see what I did? Do you see me yet? Huh? Huh?”, and then, the minute things don’t go their way, they demand privacy like they haven’t completely forfeited that right the minute they got their own camera crew.

Now that I really look at it, it’s not as funny as I had thought.

I think what really annoys me about these Hollywood reality-show lifestyles is what it is doing to our society. People famous for doing absolutely nothing to contribute to society: making millions for whining, eating and gossiping about pointless junk. How many kids out there think that this is how people should actually live? Another  marriage for the sake of media buzz in Hollywood, another bad example for people going into a relationship to compare themselves to. All I can hope is that young girls that are going into relationships and are beginning to turn into the adult-versions of themselves don’t look at people like the Kardashians and aspire to live like that. They are breathing Barbie dolls, moved and pushed into whatever it is they should be doing next.

At the same time I kind of feel bad for all those Kardashians. Originally I thought that I hated all this media buzz because I was jealous. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get payed millions to wear nice clothes, date hot athletes and party? Then I started to wonder if they’ve had a really genuine moment in their life in the last five years or however long that show has been on the air. I wonder if they even know what a real, genuine moment is now? When I see a person getting divorced after 2 months I see a person that has no idea what they want out of life, or what they should expect out of the process. I guess that is what happens when your life gets scripted, it doesn’t become your life anymore.

Now, let’s just ignore all this Kardashicrap and just move on to some new, hot dish, like Bieber’s baby Daddy drama…

Shoot. Looks like I got caught up in it again.