It is, of course, March Madness time. My bracket is already showing signs of breaking into a million tiny pieces, but that’s not what gets me the most heated.
It’s the stupid, ugly neon uniforms at Baylor.
When I originally saw these uniforms I didn’t like them. Animal print neon shorts… really? Stupid youths. But what can I say? I’m a traditionalist. I like big block letters, nice primary colors and a sharp fitting uniform. I tried to be optimistic and push past my old-school ways, but even still the uniform is actually incredibly annoying. When they’re all together and running back and forth it’s dizzying and really nauseating to watch.
Let’s stick to the basics, boys. Time to bring back the short shorts and Chuck Taylors.
As we all know Peyton Manning was released from the Indianapolis Colts (holy crap, I spelled Indianapolis right the first time) in a super emotional press release yesterday. Yeah I cried, so what? You can’t help but like Peyton Manning, he’s a cool dude, and I feel bad for his situation. I did not like to hear, however, him say that he wasn’t sure who he would play for next. Pump the brakes. What? Why would you play again Peyton!?! Why! Well, in case he seems to need my advice, here are the four reasons Peyton Manning should stop playing football. I don’t even need five, these four are that good.
1. He has several neck injuries
This really drives me bonkers with athletes. How many concussions, breaks and tears do they have to have before they quit!? Here he is with 10 years of professional football under his belt, along with several issues with his neck. His neck. When that gets messed up it can lead to serious, serious problems. Like paralysis. And death! Why would you ever feel the need to get back on a field and risk another injury Peyton!? It could be your last!
2. He will never regain the respect he had in Indianapolis
Peyton Manning is loved by everyone because he was such a remarkably strong talent that stuck by his team. Think about Brett Favre: he left his loyalties, retired, then unretired and stunk up his last few seasons. He retired again with a more tarnished reputation than he had before. Why not step back and retire with dignity? Injuries don’t improve your abilities, they only hurt them. The minute Peyton goes to a new team and messes up he will have new haters that didn’t exist before. What can I say? Us sports fans are pretty fickle.
3. He’s already a television personality
I was in love with Eli and Peyton’s Oreo commercials. And his appearance on SNL was awesome. Peyton has an insanely likable personality, and he would make an amazing sports caster. Get dressed in a nice suit and criticize your old competition? What’s better than that!? Nothing.
4. He’s also already a millionare!
So obviously he doesn’t really need to be doing extra work. I mean, come on, how much do you have to put yourself through for extra money? It’s not like he won’t have sponsorships for every brand imaginable coming his way all the time anyway. Just seems silly to put yourself through a ton of pain when there’s easier ways to earn a buck, Peyton!
So it’s barely the second day since the Kony 2012 video has hit the Internet, and it’s already met with those obnoxious Internet pessimists that feel the need to smash anyone’s unique idea before it has the opportunity to get started…
Phew, okay, sorry I’m just very annoyed.
An accurate depiction of the professional blogger.
How can people be so hateful that they have to find a way to dislike a charitable organization? They fluff themselves up with numbers and percentages and try to make them look bad. Really? What are you going to do next, take a toddler’s ice cream cone? Come on, people.
It’s situations like this that make me lose total faith in humanity. Oh you’ve read one article that is a blatant attempt at tarnishing an organization? That must make you a professional on the entire situation in Uganda! These guys that spend half of their lives over in the actual country with their hands on the pulse of the people don’t know squat!
Here’s the bottom line: No matter what, Invisible Children and its team have devoted their lives to saving the child soldiers of Uganda. Of course 100 percent of the profits can’t go over to the cause, these people need to pay for transportation costs, film costs (remember: they’re creating an Internet sensation through media, so they have to produce the best quality projects they can) and simply living and feeding their family. But the money that does reach Uganda helps people. It feeds them and provides medicine and saves lives. It makes a difference. And they are people that care, unlike these angry bloggers that are so dedicated on crushing their cause.
I’m choosing to ignore these people that think because they did some Googling they automatically know everything about Uganda. I’m also choosing to be proactive and do my homework and learn the best way to help. Who knows, I might find a better organization to work with that isn’t Invisible Children, but in the end the Kony 2012 video has opened my eyes up and made me want to change and help. That should be more important than percentages.
So the Oscars are upon us. I know some people are planning parties and checking out the movies that are nominated but I am not. That’s because almost every movie nominated is foreign to me, and I have no shame in admitting that. I have not seen any of the movies nominated for Best Picture in 2012, and honestly I don’t plan to.
Obviously movies are expensive, and living on a shoestring budget while saving up for a car and an apartment gives me plenty of reasons to avoid the theatre, but that’s really not it. When it comes to movies and television I have a belief that if it ain’t broke, I won’t fix it. I have watched “Baby Mama,” “Elf” and “50 First Dates” so much that I literally mouth my way through them. The same thing applies to all 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation and Arrested Development. I’m sure you’re thinking ‘Oh Erica, she’s just saying that for dramatic effect.’ I’m not.
The idea of seeing a new movie or television show exhausts me. I get way too invested in things, emotionally and literally. So when I prepare to watch something new I also have to prepare myself mentally to make that show a permanent part of my watching schedule. I have to plan my time around nights when the show comes on, or I have to then start researching blogs, screen shots and when that movie will hit Netflix. I react way too much to the emotional moments of television. I can’t even watch Curb Your Enthusiasm anymore because I get so nauseously embarrassed every time Larry David tries to have a conversation with anyone. During those tense action scenes in movies I close my eyes and pray for closure. Watching something new to me is more like picking out a new puppy. Am I ready for a new commitment?
Let’s use “Inception” as a shining example. My boyfriend had to drag me out to see it, even though every single person on the planet said how good it was. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I would like it, it was that I feared I would love it. And I did. So now every time it comes on HBO, guess what I do? Do you know how long “Inception” is!? Really freaking long! There goes my Saturday. Thank god I hated “Avatar” or I would have no personal life whatsoever.
I know this is entirely crazy. I know. But it’s who I am. I care about the story too much, way too much, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So good luck to all the Oscar winners on Sunday. I won’t be watching, as I have to re-start my marathon of “Family Guy” online.
Sorry, ESPN, if I have to hear another feature on the New York Nick’s Jeremy Lin my head might just explode.
How can you tell that an athlete is being over-publicized to the millionth degree? He is tied to the sport’s world’s disposa-date, Kim Kardashian.
I get it, he’s a talented, young, Asian-American Ivy League basketball player. That is pretty badass. But seriously, does every single thing that happens in basketball or sports have to somehow be tied back to Jeremy Lin? Is every single news segment, tweet and Facebook post on the planet have to contain his name?
The guy’s on a lucky streak. Eventually he’ll have a couple of off games and ESPN will move onto the next story they choose to beat to death, but I’m already at my Jeremy Lin-breaking-point!
[When Vonnegut tells his wife he’s going out to buy an envelope] “‘Oh,’ she says, ‘well, you’re not a poor man. You know, why don’t you go online and buy a hundred envelopes and put them in the closet?’ And so I pretend not to hear her. And go out to get an envelope because I’m going to have a hell of a good time in the process of buying one envelope. I meet a lot of people. And, see some great looking babes. And a fire engine goes by. And I give them the thumbs up. And, and ask a woman what kind of dog that is. And, and I don’t know. The moral of the story is, is we’re here on Earth to fart around. And, of course, the computers will do us out of that. And, what the computer people don’t realize, or they don’t care, is we’re dancing animals. You know, we love to move around. And, we’re not supposed to dance at all anymore.”
I spent 19 years of my life Valentine-less. Four of those were spent working at Rite Aid, watching all the guys line up to buy their last-minute cards (oh, men of the world, you’re so adorable goofy), one eating really unhealthy food in the Rowan University cafeteria with my friend Josh, one in London on a dinner date with my study abroad BFF Sara and movies and drinks with my other wonderful London ladies. The other 13 years largely consisted of brown paper bags decorated with hearts and packed full of themed Valentine cards from classmates… and themed turtlenecks.
The last three years I have had a Valentine, but he’s not just my Valentine. He’s my best friend, my partner, and the man I never knew existed but always secretly wished did. He’s the guy I unknowingly compared all other guys to, and the guy I hoped all other guys would be (before I met him, of course!). He embraces my weirdness, and gets my quirks. He doesn’t try to change me or make me something else, and I would never ever want anything but the exact person he is.
So Happy Valentine’s Day to my Valentine, Alex. I am the luckiest.