Tag Archives: Rants and Raves

Ilya Bryzgalov and his Tiny Violin

11 May

Since the Flyers have eliminated themselves in the playoffs a few nights ago, most of the team has tried to stay upbeat and think about next season. That is, of course, with the exception of our loud-mouth goalie, Ilya Bryzgalov.

When Ilya, one of the highest payed goaltenders in the NHL, started rambling about tigers and the universe on HBO’s 24/7 I thought he was really hilarious. There’s obviously a screw loose somewhere in his head, but it was okay because it’s not like he was doing any harm in the process.

Then he started to go downhill.

Bryzgalov had a really bad streak for way too long in the middle of this season. He stunk. He was making more than most players on the team, and was sitting on the bench more than anyone too. So you can imagine how fans reacted. Not well.

A few months ago the Phillies’ newest relief pitcher Jonathon Papelbon said how much he respected Philly fans because they were knowledgeable about the sports they loved so much, and that’s why I love being a Philadelphia sports fan so much. People don’t just like the Phillies because their parents are from Philadelphia or because they live close to the city (cough, ANY NEW YORK FAN, cough). Of course those are determining factors in fandom, but Philly fans genuinely know the sport and know what to expect from their players…

…Which brings me back to Ilya. Ohhhh, Ilya. He loves to complain about fans. During the hockey season he told one fan that he “cared too much” and then, when he was benched for the Winter Classic, turned weird with interviews and Twitter posts.

Now that the season ends- a season that he came back to kick in the butt and rocked in the playoffs- for some reason Bryz feels the need to open his mouth again, saying:

“We have an excellent team,” Bryzgalov said. “All the guys are good, the management is great. But there is a lot of negativity surrounding the team. You did everything you could on the ice, you go to the locker room and someone yells some nonsense at your back. They’re ready to eat you alive. It’s unpleasant, because we are all people.”

Oh, and saying this too:

““What I lived through this season I wouldn’t wish to an enemy. I understand the fans. They paid their money and want the show, but many forget we’re not robots but living people.”

Color me annoyed. Seriously Ilya? Seriously? Your life is so so hard. Oh, let’s all hold hands, light a few candles, and cry for Ilya Bryzgalov.

He can’t seem to understand why fans might be annoyed about losses, so here, I’ll fill him in. We don’t get payed to love Philadelphia teams. This isn’t our career, but it is still our life. We devote our lives to one set of teams. We come home from our jobs and experience these teams as a solid and important part of our lives. When our team loses, we feel it. When we pay hundreds of dollars for tickets just so the Flyers can lose Ilya Bryzgalov sits on a bench counting his money and thinking about tigers, we get upset. And when the season ends, we don’t consult our agents to find what team is a better fit for us next season. We stay here.

If Ilya Bryzgalov wants to go home and cry about it, that’s fine, but keep your mouth shut in the media. Because the people that he is insulting, the people that give him a hard time when he does poorly, are the people that care about him in his profession. And that’s why he’s a big ol’ jerk that needs to get over it.

Athletes and their Suits (or lack-there of)

9 May

Call me old-fashioned, but there is nothing better than a man in a suit. I love suits, so much that I know the rules of the suit lifestyle. I know what’s appropriate, and how to wear a suit if you want to look like a real pro. If I see a guy not wearing a suit correctly, ohhh I judge. I judge hard. I just love suits.

One of my favorite things to do while watching a sports game is to check out the suits of commentators, coaches and injured players.  Malik Rose’s fabulous tie collection (if you have two hours I can tell you all about it…AMAZING!) and it makes my day when Magic Johnson decides to go with the full three-piece suit. I can even respect Charles Barkley’s humongous neck and lack of tie because he pulls off the look anyway. I’m not crazy about it, but I deal. Why? Because I love and respect a sharp-dressed man in the media. It’s just the way it should be.

So what don’t I love? When a rich and famous athlete is too busy being rich and famous to throw on a suit and look like a professional. Case in point: last night’s 76ers-Bulls game. Now I was already bummed out after the Phillies’ loss and the Flyers’ loss to take them out of the playoffs (seriously…ughhhhhh) in the same night so I was going into that last game of the night feeling pretty grumpy and that’s when I saw Joakim Noah. On the bench for a sprained ankle, Joakim decided he was a little too busy not doing his job (yeah, yeah, yeah sports fanatics I know that’s not exactly the case, just  let me rant) to actually put himself together and dress like an adult. So he parks himself down in nasty, old-looking brown khakis, an over-sized and untucked v-neck, a blazer that looks like it needs a trip to the cleaners, and a gigantic bauble necklace that looks like something my grandmother owns.  My jaw dropped for about a second, which was followed by a nice, long rant to my boyfriend (he deals with a lot of my anger-rants about celebrity clothing, I’m pretty sure I might give him a complex about his own style soon) about what a disgrace this “dude” is.

First of all Joakim, cut your hair. A messy bun isn’t a good look on girls, and you can’t pull it off either. Second of all, ditch the bracelets, you’re not Enrique Iglesias in 2001, wear a shirt with buttons, and put on a damn belt! What is this outfit? You think you look cool? Do you think any woman finds you more attractive because you forgot to do your laundry yesterday? Do you think the “just rolled out of bed and into my professional career where I make a ton of money but don’t care because I have no respect for anyone or anything” look will land you a smart and sensible lady? It won’t!

Listen guys, wearing a suit isn’t that hard to do. Ohhh it hurts my neck ohhh there isn’t a stretchy waist band… enough. Women wear heels every damn day. They stab their heads with a million pins and cover their faces in makeup. They dangle big giant earring from their ears and resist the urge to pull at stockings and strapless dresses and itchy fabrics all in the name of looking good. All you have to do is remember to unbutton your jacket when you sit down and wear a tie. That’s it!

Athletes of the world, it’s time to man  up. You’re representing a team that pays you a lot of money with fans that put a lot of energy and pride into caring about you and your outcome. The least you can do is show a little respect and dress like you care about your job and your fans.

Why Lush Went Too Far

27 Apr

Three years ago (wow I can’t believe it’s been that long) while backpacking through Italy with my friend, Lizz, I ran out of shampoo. This was a serious, serious problem as, after almost a month of travelling with the same duffle bag of clothes, that was about the only thing keeping me from not smelling like a moldy ball of sweat and grime. I was gross.

While walking around Rome one day Lizz and I stumbled on a store called Lush, a cosmetic store with only all-natural, organic, handmade products. They also had shampoo bars, which was beyond necessary (and traveled better than liquid shampoo, FYI!).  That was my first experience with the store, but since then Lush shops have been popping up everywhere, including in the mall right by me.

I really do like their products, they smell and feel amazing, but I can’t quite say that I like Lush anymore. This week, in the front window of Lush’s Regent Street (London) shop, they decided to put on a performance as an attempt to put an end to animal testing on cosmetic products. They stuck a 24-year-old performance artist in a nude leotard on a table, then streamed a 10-hour long series (before clicking that link please be aware that it includes a very graphic video of the performance) of torturous procedures, depicting what animals go through during one day at an animal testing lab. A “doctor” in a white lab lab coat and mask stretched the woman’s mouth open, choking her with lotions and creams, sprayed contact solution in her eyes, even shaved her head. It was long, graphic and in my opinion extremely unnecessary.

Obviously I’m against animal testing for cosmetics or any other product, because I’m not a heartless monster. Obviously I don’t want to subject animals to pain or poison them or stick them in cages to be used as basically live bait. Obviously. And I don’t know anyone that agrees to animal testing either. But this bizarre and brutal performance does not help curb animal testing, it just displays really terrifying and disturbing images to innocent civilians. It puts a fear in children that stumbled across it while walking past the shop or looking online. It harms human beings and does nothing to end animal cruelty.

It was a cheap and poorly-planned publicity stunt for the company. I don’t know if I’ll ever shop at Lush again, because I’m really offended that they would subject a human being to such pain and their customers to such offenses all to prove an already-obvious point. They could have asked people to sign a petition and people would have signed it without that performance, because animal testing is wrong regardless of that.

If you want to make a difference when it comes to animal testing, check out this list (after the jump) of brands that still test products on animals and don’t buy them. It’s that simple. Hit them where it hurts, in the wallet, and don’t terrify others who don’t have their hand in what goes on with these companies. Keep this list in your wallet, and next time you go shopping skip over the bad guys. It’s as easy as that.

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The NBA Tattoo Situation is Out of Control

18 Apr

I am amazed by how many stupid tattoos there are in the NBA. Seriously it’s like they just develop a big stupid idiot gene and just went crazy with the tattoo gun.

Don’t believe me? Check out this ridiculousness.

Chris Andersen, Denver Nuggets
Christopher… Don’t you have a mother!? Seriously, what do you think she is thinking every time she goes to hug her little boy and all she sees is a neck full of badly drawn letters and flames. Oh and of course there has to be a picture of a basketball player. Because god forbid someone forgets for five seconds that you play basketball. How could you!? You know those are forever, right!? And your neck says “Free Bird” across it. Free bird? Seriously? Free bird? That’s not even cool! That’s a song that’s overplayed by high school freshman boys with gross half-mustaches and body odor! Ohhh look at me, I play basketball so I have to have a mohawk and stupid obnoxious neck tattoos. Because I’ll be in the public eye forever and these won’t look stupid when I’m old. I want all my readers to look at this photo, then click this link. It only took nine years for ol’ Chris to go full douchebag, so sad. Please, Mr. Andersen, you’re a disgrace. You better invest in some turtle necks and hope they make a comeback STAT.

Lou Williams, Philadelphia 76ers
I love my team, but Lou Williams is covered in bad decisions. The checkers covering his right armpit especially drives me insane. Is it that necessary to cover your entire body with tattoos? And he’s one of those guys- and unfortunately there’s so, so many of them- with a basketball tattoo. A tattoo of a basketball. Because the rest of the world doesn’t know you’re a professional basketball player and because of that you play with basketballs. Really, seriously guys, get a more obvious image inked across your skin. I guess in Lou Williams case it’s not too bad because he’s so covered tattoos that the dumb ones get lost in translation… or do they?

Jason Williams, Orlando Magic
It’s a good thing Jason Williams got “White Boy” tattooed across his nuckles or we all wouldn’t know that he was a white boy. If we’re really looking at it the tattoo doesn’t even say “White Boy,” it says Whit Eboy. And that’s not a thing, so that makes Jason Williams stupider than his tattoo.

In my opinion one of the manliest things a man can do is present a nice, solid, firm handshake in a sharp suit.  And Jason Williams has tainted his manliness with an ugly tattoo. When you get married do you think your wife is going to want to slip a ring over the “O” in your finger tats? Come on, white boy.

Stephen Jackson, San Antonio Spurs
Jackson has, smack dab in the middle of his abs, two hands together in what looks like a symbol of prayer. The whole idea of prayer and peace and all that gets completely smashed, however, when you take a look at the gun that is being sandwiched between the hands. According to Jackson, the tattoo is a message to himself, saying that he prays that he never has to use a gun again. First of all, don’t go advertising that you had to use a gun in the first place. I’m tired of athletes walking around with guns trying to look tough. It’s more stupid than anything. Second of all, you know what’s another good way to pray that you never have to use a gun again? By actually praying! If that’s what you’re trying to do, then actually do it! Don’t just slap it across your belly!

Marquis Daniels, Boston Celtics
It’s hard to believe that someone could almost match the stupidity of Chris Andersen, but Marquis comes close. To start, there is the ginormous lower back semi-tramp stamp of the outline of Florida with several major city locations marked and an area code, in case he gets lost I suppose. A little map to get him home, how smart and memorable and not stupid at all. Then there is the other stupid words and junk scattered all over his back, including a recent gigantic red star stuck kind of by his armpit with the number 5 inside. Oh! There’s also the Chinese symbols that are supposed to be his initials but actually read “healthy woman roof.” This guy’s on a roll…
Nothing quite tops his insanely disturbing “Only the Strong Survive” arm piece, with a man firing a shotgun into his face. Here is what Marquis had to say about this ridiculsouly disturbing little number:

“Its just, like if youre not strong, youre willing to do anything to find a way out.”

Thank you for that stunningly brilliant sentimentality, Marquis. That painfully unoriginal and ridiculously bland description completely validates such a graphic and insensitive piece of crap on your arm.

The Fat Model

6 Apr

I just read an article about a model, Lizzie Miller who, at a size 10-12, was recently told she was too fat to model plus size clothes. Her photo appeared in Glamour Lizzie Millermagazine and when I saw it all I could think was…

“Uhhh… what?”

The photo here is the one that ran in the magazine. That girl is too fat to model plus size? Really? I mean, seriously? Give me a minute, let me just get over the general confusing shock of this issue.

Ever since I was young I’ve realized that there has been some body-related issues in the fashion world that just don’t add up. I remember going to the mall with a friend who had seemingly shot up overnight to about 5’10” and walking out with her in tears because almost no jeans in normal clothing stores would fit her frame. That same friend would walk into a doctors’ office and be told she was “too skinny.” How does that add up?

And how does a girl as beautiful as Lizzie Miller get told she’s too fat to model? After all the years of designers and models campaigning against eating disorders and unhealthy lifestyles, how does a healthy girl like Lizzie get turned away? It’s not like this is something people haven’t been talking about. Magazines and designers everywhere talk about promoting healthier body images, but when their new spring lines come up there are the same bony chicks modeling the clothes.

So thanks, Glamour, for pointing out this atrocity to me, but until you actually suit up and start putting normal sized girls in your features, I’m not too fond of supporting your mini-campaigns. I do support Lizzie Miller, though, and confident, healthy girls like Lizzie Miller. Because the world needs more people like her to tell all those designers and magazines that they’re crazy.

Get it girl.

The Fray Should NOT Be Singing the National Anthem

3 Apr

As excited as I was to watch the NCAA National Championship game last night, (mainly because I knew the team I picked would win… holla Kentucky!) my joy was immediately smushed when The Fray walked out to sing the National Anthem.

If you missed the awfulness, watch here:

…soooo… What?

First of all, is The Fray still a thing? I mean, I can only remember them from that song on “Grey’s Anatomy” like six years ago.

Second of all, seriously? Seriously? I understand, you’re The Fray and you’re above it all and cool and whatever, but it’s the National Anthem. Ditch the scoop neck tees and neck chains, put a smile on, and actually look like you give a crap about it! And what was with the drum guy? Really? You’re thatcool

Insert eye roll here.

dude? How heavy is your little drum you bought straight off the rack from Urban Outfitters and a tambourine that you can’t even stand up straight or lift your arm up for a minute and a half? I played bass drum in parades in high school. I know your little toy isn’t that hard to use, buddy, stop looking like you’re god’s gift to women because you’re the drummer of The Fray.

I understand that I’m old school. I like a nice, solid anthem from a pretty pop star without warbly, gutteral voice junk. But this was almost intolerable. Come on “rock stars” (notice how I put rock stars in quotes because The Fray are not rock stars, they’re stupid), you can stop acting like you’re the most important person on earth for two minutes to sing a song that’s much older and much cooler than you.

Trends I’m Too Young to Not Understand

30 Mar

If my awkward attempts at humor haven’t clued you in on who I am, I can flat out tell you: I’m not that trendy. I don’t know what my problem is, really. I guess I just don’t have any interest in investing myself into something that’s cool at the moment, only to realize in a month that it’s no longer what the kids are into. I wasted my money on trends like that all through high school and I’m over it!

Through that disinterest I have also began to realize how weird, pointless and kind of stupid these trends are. I know as a member of the young adult population I am supposed to “get” them, but I can’t. So here’s my long, rambling rant about weird trends that are super hip and don’t make a lick of sense to me.

Mustaches
Mustache coffee mugs, phone covers, pillow cases, party themes… What the heck!? Since when has something so ordinary and

This is stupid, so is your trend.

kind of gross become hip? A mustache on a man has never ever looked attractive. They get food in them and wiggle around

when they talk and they are awful for kissing. They are stupid, and so is this trend. I don’t understand why all of the sudden

everyone is supposed to cover their houses with mustaches. Mustaches. Really? Now guys are walking around with stupid mustaches like the one Captain Hook has in “Hook” and thinking they look trendy? No you don’t! You look like a sheep in ugly facial hair. There’s a reason the handlebar mustache has gone away in our society, please don’t bring it back as some sort of ironic gesture, hipsters.

DayGlow
I can see where this might be fun to some. Heck, I could see myself having fun in the right setting of a giant paint party similar to DayGlow, but in its true form the whole idea looks horrible! Hey lets all get in a car and drive to a big warehouse then stand around in a group of thousands of people with no room to move (and no way to get drinks and make the whole experience more bearable) then attempt to wiggle around AKA dance inside the mass of screaming people while other people squirt paint on us and play really loud DubStep (another loud trend I don’t get) for a short period of time, then get in the car soaking wet from other peoples’ sweat and paint and go home and shower. For one, that paint must be terrible for the interior of your car, and it’s all just way too much. Too many people crammed together, too much work to get to that point. Too, too much for very little reward.

Bon Iver
Bon Iver is terrible. Weird, shrieky, spacey junk. I refuse to explain any further or listen to any more of it, and I wish everyone else would stop posting weird Bon Iver videos on my Facebook. The end.

Instagram
It’s not that I don’t get Instagram. I know exactly what it is although I don’t own an iPhone and have never

Duck faces AND instagram? You're flawless, why cover it up with so much weird?!

used it. What I don’t understand is why people still use it. I mean you can just post photos on Twitter and Facebook directly from your phone, and they don’t come out grainy and in sepia tone. I guess if it came out for a Droid I would try it, but I still don’t see the point and it would bother me that my pictures wouldn’t be clear. Someone explained to me that “using Instagram instantly makes your pictures look good when they aren’t actually good, which is why so many girls like taking pictures of themselves and posting them all over the place”, but if that’s the case everyone knows you’re just cheating! Ladies, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, and don’t cover it up with annoying filters!

YOLO
Wait, wait, wait. I thought everyone had unanimously agreed a few years ago that using word abbreviations in everyday speech was lame? Now it’s cool again? Since when!? Apparently YOLO (or you only live once, for the people like me that don’t understand most trends without the help of Google) is a way for college girls to drink a lot and make bad decisions without judging themselves. The thing is though, I also realize that IOLO (I only live once, get it? No? Eh.) and I choose to use that time to make good choices, like, you know, not say YOLO. You can’t erase big mistakes people, remember that before you do your little YOLO chant or whatever.

Paleo
This super, duper trendy diet is odd to say the least. I love the concept: eat meat and veggies all day, but I can’t quite grasp the entire idea. There’s a lot of “you can eat this, but not if it’s this, this, this or this” and “you can eat that but not if it has this much this or that much that in it.” I don’t really understand how to ever get this right, and I’ve tried to because any excuse to eat steak every day is good to me. Paleo fans swear by it, with that super condescending “it’s actually not thaaaaaaat hard” kind of tone whenever someone like me tries to make sense of it. Trust me, I’ve worked at Whole Foods. I’ve heard the Paleo talk more than I’d ever wanted to. So I guess if going Paleo turns you into a totally self-righteous lame-o I don’t want to give it a try.