The last week of my life has been filled with “How I Met Your Mother” on Netflix. It’s a pretty awesome show, but like all sitcoms it has its flaws. Maybe it was that I’ve been watching it non-stop for way too long, but I can’t help but feel like a huge nerd whenever I watch sitcoms. The people on these shows are just so… cool.
So being the really un-cool, non-sitcom, real-life-living girl that I am, I came up with a list of ways sitcoms have made me feel less awesome.
1. Constantly Attainable, Huge Group of Friends.
When I’m sitting at home on a Friday night in a t-shirt and leggings watching repeats of Swamp People I always wonder, ‘where’s my ragtag group of buds waiting for me at the bar below my apartment?‘ Where’s my saucy single guy friend and hopelessly romantic girl friend that always end up together even
though they know it will never work, and the crazy one that’s always getting into trouble but bringing us all closer together in the process? Am I the only person on the planet that doesn’t have a group of four-plus people constantly ready to jump and do something wacky and wild? Or am I just a friendless weirdo? I mean, let’s be honest, getting a group together takes some planning: decided whose house is the cleanest or less chaotic to head over to, finding times when everyone isn’t at class or at work, picking designated drivers for nights at the bar, it’s not as easy as it seems. How is everyone constantly attainable on these shows? Is it just an attempt at making everyone else look like losers? You’re killing me, big old group of TV friends.
2. Amazing Apartments
Oh, look at us, we’re a bunch of sexy 20-something singles on the road of life just trying to make it in the big city. Look at how big our fancy schmancy loft is! Pfffffft. Can I tell you how obnoxious it is to watch these people that are supposedly my age thriving in big giant apartments with couches that aren’t from Ikea and brightly painted wainscoting and vintage refrigerators that would obviously be expensive to maintain but still look cool while I sit here in the same bedroom I’ve existed in for the last 22 years? I read somewhere that Monica’s apartment in the middle of Greenwich Village on Friends would cost around $5,000 a month, which seems perfectly reasonable for a barista, a line cook and a masseuse to afford. The crappy part about all this is that growing up and watching these shows I actually believed that when I graduated from college I would actually be in one of these apartments. No one told me that sitcom stars didn’t have to pay student loans, and Carrie Bradshaw makes shopping addictions look a lot cuter than they are in real life.
3. Endless Bank Account
How does a weekly columnist for the New York Star manage to afford so many amazing designer outfits!? Seriously, what is Carrie Bradshaw making, like $40,000 a year!? It’s not possible! And how much do you think it costs to keep Rachel Green’s hair looking that immaculate? Then of course there’s the
random sitcom trips to various locations like Vegas and Atlantic City and London and all unfortunately funny mishaps that result in hilarious car crashes and pipes spraying water all over people in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. What are sitcom characters just being constantly smothered by their own debt? And where is the episode about that? I understand the whole point of a situation-comedy is to provide viewers with comedy, but seeing how money grows on trees for all of these characters is not making me laugh! They all dress so perfectly and do fun things and look super cute and are never wondering where the money for their next bill will come from. I spend a lot of time finding out where these peoples’ outfits are from, and usually gasping at the actual price. Learn some financial responsibility, Rachel!
4. Socially Acceptable Alcoholism
Who doesn’t love a nice trip to the bar with friends. It’s awesome, it’s fun, and it’s fine… in moderation. My beloved sitcom characters have taken bar bonding to an absurd level. First of all, no one should be spending money on bar outings five days a week. Plus, these people have supposed jobs that always somehow work around their bar schedules. If I knew that my employees spent every night boozing, they’d be gone, no matter how many hilarious who-done-its they get themselves into. How many people in their late 20’s and early 30’s can drink like sitcom characters and not get judged like crazy? I mean they are literally sitting at bars pounding back shots every single time a minor situation come up in their life. You know what that is in real life? A warning sign.
5. Cool Jobs
I actually have one of those “cool jobs” that sitcom stars usually have. I’m an assistant editor at a magazine. I know, I know, it’s all big floor-to-ceilingwindows and crazy run-ins with celebrities and models. Actually… it’s not. It’s a lot of sitting at a cubicle, fighting with salespeople, and leaving voice-mails and e-mails for people that will never get back to me. It’s a lot of joking about Shutterstock, re-hashing scenes from Star Wars, and eating lunch at my desk and very little crazy antics and happy hours. No job is as fun as television tells us it will be; not because life is not some miserable journey to the end, but because if it that much fun no work would ever get done. Honestly I don’t know how the guys on “Just Shoot Me” managed to put out a 250 page magazine every month, they were just plain reckless.