Call us Clark and Lois

I just wanted to give a quick congratulations to my wonderful boyfriend, Alex, for landing his grown-ass-man job as a crime reporter. We’re now officially a journalism couple. I love it… and him!

Trends I’m Too Young to Not Understand

If my awkward attempts at humor haven’t clued you in on who I am, I can flat out tell you: I’m not that trendy. I don’t know what my problem is, really. I guess I just don’t have any interest in investing myself into something that’s cool at the moment, only to realize in a month that it’s no longer what the kids are into. I wasted my money on trends like that all through high school and I’m over it!

Through that disinterest I have also began to realize how weird, pointless and kind of stupid these trends are. I know as a member of the young adult population I am supposed to “get” them, but I can’t. So here’s my long, rambling rant about weird trends that are super hip and don’t make a lick of sense to me.

Mustaches
Mustache coffee mugs, phone covers, pillow cases, party themes… What the heck!? Since when has something so ordinary and

This is stupid, so is your trend.

kind of gross become hip? A mustache on a man has never ever looked attractive. They get food in them and wiggle around

when they talk and they are awful for kissing. They are stupid, and so is this trend. I don’t understand why all of the sudden

everyone is supposed to cover their houses with mustaches. Mustaches. Really? Now guys are walking around with stupid mustaches like the one Captain Hook has in “Hook” and thinking they look trendy? No you don’t! You look like a sheep in ugly facial hair. There’s a reason the handlebar mustache has gone away in our society, please don’t bring it back as some sort of ironic gesture, hipsters.

DayGlow
I can see where this might be fun to some. Heck, I could see myself having fun in the right setting of a giant paint party similar to DayGlow, but in its true form the whole idea looks horrible! Hey lets all get in a car and drive to a big warehouse then stand around in a group of thousands of people with no room to move (and no way to get drinks and make the whole experience more bearable) then attempt to wiggle around AKA dance inside the mass of screaming people while other people squirt paint on us and play really loud DubStep (another loud trend I don’t get) for a short period of time, then get in the car soaking wet from other peoples’ sweat and paint and go home and shower. For one, that paint must be terrible for the interior of your car, and it’s all just way too much. Too many people crammed together, too much work to get to that point. Too, too much for very little reward.

Bon Iver
Bon Iver is terrible. Weird, shrieky, spacey junk. I refuse to explain any further or listen to any more of it, and I wish everyone else would stop posting weird Bon Iver videos on my Facebook. The end.

Instagram
It’s not that I don’t get Instagram. I know exactly what it is although I don’t own an iPhone and have never

Duck faces AND instagram? You're flawless, why cover it up with so much weird?!

used it. What I don’t understand is why people still use it. I mean you can just post photos on Twitter and Facebook directly from your phone, and they don’t come out grainy and in sepia tone. I guess if it came out for a Droid I would try it, but I still don’t see the point and it would bother me that my pictures wouldn’t be clear. Someone explained to me that “using Instagram instantly makes your pictures look good when they aren’t actually good, which is why so many girls like taking pictures of themselves and posting them all over the place”, but if that’s the case everyone knows you’re just cheating! Ladies, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, and don’t cover it up with annoying filters!

YOLO
Wait, wait, wait. I thought everyone had unanimously agreed a few years ago that using word abbreviations in everyday speech was lame? Now it’s cool again? Since when!? Apparently YOLO (or you only live once, for the people like me that don’t understand most trends without the help of Google) is a way for college girls to drink a lot and make bad decisions without judging themselves. The thing is though, I also realize that IOLO (I only live once, get it? No? Eh.) and I choose to use that time to make good choices, like, you know, not say YOLO. You can’t erase big mistakes people, remember that before you do your little YOLO chant or whatever.

Paleo
This super, duper trendy diet is odd to say the least. I love the concept: eat meat and veggies all day, but I can’t quite grasp the entire idea. There’s a lot of “you can eat this, but not if it’s this, this, this or this” and “you can eat that but not if it has this much this or that much that in it.” I don’t really understand how to ever get this right, and I’ve tried to because any excuse to eat steak every day is good to me. Paleo fans swear by it, with that super condescending “it’s actually not thaaaaaaat hard” kind of tone whenever someone like me tries to make sense of it. Trust me, I’ve worked at Whole Foods. I’ve heard the Paleo talk more than I’d ever wanted to. So I guess if going Paleo turns you into a totally self-righteous lame-o I don’t want to give it a try.

Justin Bieber is 18 and It’s Kind of Weird

Last night as I was going to bed I saw a Twitter post declaring that Justin Bieber had officially turned 18 today, on March 1. Then someone else asked why it was typical for guys to get all hot and bothered when a female celebrity turned 18, and why ladies didn’t respond the same way to male celebrities. It really got me thinking about it. Is this some kind of weird double-standard?

I’ve known plenty of guys my age who got a little over-excited when Miley Cyrus and Selene Gomez turned 18.Even the media goes bonkers over 18-year-old girls. When Dakota Fanning became of age Cosmopolitan magazine

Seriously, how is this little kid 18!?

published a photo of her in bunny ears with a caption that read “Two years ago this would have been cute. Now it’s hot.” I have yet to hear about anyone react to Justin Bieber’s adulthood in such an off-putting, creepy manner.

Why is a hot celebrity or person turning  18 such a turn-on to men, but so cliche to women? I guess society kind of explains it: when a man dates a younger woman, it’s viewed as a status symbol and an accomplishment, but a woman with a younger man is deemed a “cougar,” an old bag on the prowl for younger meat. So by assumption it is more acceptable for a man to view a younger woman sexually than the other way around. But still, I don’t think there are many closeted women who are secretly in a tizzy over an 18-year-old Biebs. It’s just not something that is attractive to a woman.

When I think of an 18-year-old I think of a little boy still. Bieber’s a kid, (and not just because the guy looks like he’s freaking 12) and just because his age has changed the fact still remains that he’s kind of still a little boy. So how does this switch change in men’s minds that instantly causes them to drool as their tongues roll onto the ground? What’s in that number that makes men go bonkers?

Of course as a woman I’ll never understand men, and I somehow doubt I’ll find a man who would be able to explain this complex to me, but either way, happy birthday Bieber!

The Post-Grad Gifts That Now Totally Rock

So the holiday season is over… bummer. I seriously go nuts for the holidays, and this year was definitely a great one. I got to spend Christmas and New Years Eve at Alex’s house with his family, and I got to spend Christmas Eve and New Years Day at my house… perfect fit.

Being a college grad, I also found that those gifts you used to get as a kid that weren’t too great ended up being totally frickin’ awesome. I guess this year I ended up appreciating gifts so much more since I’m so broke and desperate for help! Either way, it made me realize how totally obnoxious I was in the past in not appreciating what I got from people that cared enough to buy me something.

So here’s my top 4 list of gifts I receive on a yearly basis that were so much more awesome and useful since graduating from college and being an entry level employee.

1. Scented Clean People Stuff
Every year I get a stack of body washes, lotions, soaps and scrubs in those cute little Bath and Body Works kits from all different friends and relatives. Usually they stack up in a pile under my bed or get re-gifted to a friend or coworker, but this year they were, like, the optimal gift. If you haven’t gotten the gist of it yet, I’m poor, and I started running out of a lot of supplies I bought this summer before my student loans started kicking in. I realized what a great Christmas this would be when my friend, Shana, gave me a body wash and loofa and I yelled out “Holy crap!! I really need this!!” I’m psyched to feel like a normal part of society again, with wonderfully-smelling soaps and shampoo that doesn’t smell like that pink bathroom soap from public schools.

 
2. Socks
The biggest gag gift in holiday history has become one of this year’s best gifts for me. Seriously, I could go on for a couple of sentences about the different kinds of socks I got and how badly I needed them. Big thick wool ones for my new Uggs, sweater socks for bed and just average black and white ones… I’m in broke girl heaven! Socks are just one of those things that I have found I always need but never have time to run out and buy, and even when I do I have so many other things I want to buy instead. I love my new socks way too much, and I’m already dreading pulling open the dryer to find an odd number of socks in my laundry.

 

3. Books
Finally, something new to do that is free! This Christmas I got some awesome new books, Mindy Kaling’s “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?,” Brahm Stoker’s “Dracula,” Steve Job’s autobiography, and Bakerella’s Cake Pop cookbook. If I were to run up to my 10-year-old with my stack of new books, I’d totally give myself a wedgie or something, but I’m one of them adults now, I live a life of class and sophistication and books without pictures. I’m really into memoirs and non-fiction, so with the exception of “Dracula” these are all up my alley and since I’m planning on moving out hopefully sooner than later and they would be a lovely addition to my future living room shelves! Not to mention they are free entertainment, and I’ve exhausted pretty much my entire Netflix spread… I might even be able to cancel my account. Look at me, saving money… Thanks books! You totally don’t suck anymore.

 

4. Calendars
In the past, calendars meant nothing to me. I would hang them up in my room or something then either never take the time to flip to the next month or just leave them on the ground to collect dust once they fell. I mean, it’s not like I had a schedule or plans or public space to display one. But look at me now: I’ve got meetings and interviews, and a brand new office with a lot of blank space. I’m slowly filling that space, but I need to look more fun at work, which is why when I opened up my gift of a vintage travel posters calendar from Alex’s sister I totally flipped. Now I’m more interesting! And I won’t look like a weirdo when someone asks me what day it is and I have no answer! If having a general idea of the time and date isn’t maturing, I don’t know what is.

 

It’s Business Time!

One week ago I was behind a counter ringing up over-priced produce. And today?

Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the new editorial assistant at South Jersey Magazine.

There’s my acceptance letter and everything (I have to apologize for my appearance. If we’re being honest I really did nothing to improve my awkwardness before taking this picture. I just put a cardigan on so it looked like i wasn’t wearing pajamas. Which I am.)

I have a job!! I am seriously completely floored right now. Back in 2010 I interned at the magazine and had a seriously amazing time. It was a great place, a totally interesting magazine and I really did well there. Well, the other day I was sitting around being my poor self AKA window shopping at the mall when I got a call from my old Editor-In-Chief with a job offer! Of course I answered with a perfect response…

“Uh….Uhhh… OH MY GOD OKAY!!!! OH MY GOD… What!?” Literally. Growing up is a process…

Here I was, prepared for the next few months of steady unemployment and substitute teaching and a job opportunity that I would only dream about just sneaks out of nowhere. I’m seriously blown away. I feel like one of the luckiest people on earth right about now: first I got this job, then I found my favorite pair of pajama shorts, then I realized that I actually have a career and cried a little. I’ve been in a state of shock and surprise and smiles pretty much all day long.

Growing up may be a process but I guess it begins on Wednesday for me. I just can’t wait to wear a work outfit and fancy shoes every day. I’m a grown up now!!!

Remembering 9/11/01

When I was very young my family and I would visit my great aunt, we called her Dimples, in Staten Island. She had this really neat apartment in a high rise that we would go to, and every time we visited she would take us up to the roof. From that roof we had the most clear view of the New York City skyline. My best memory was when Dimples would show us the World Trade Centers, the “Twin Towers”. I am a twin, and she would always make it a point to show us the towers so that we could laugh about how they were named after my brother and me.

I was twelve years old on September 11, 2001. I was in seventh grade, which pretty much proves that I was at my peak of terrible-ness (have you ever met a pre-teen that isn’t generally awful in every sense of the word? Me neither).

To be 100 percent honest, I had absolutely no grasp on the severity of September 11th. None whatsoever. My middle school didn’t actually tell us what was going on that day, and even now I wonder how my classmates and I didn’t have any hint of anything. I faintly remember my Social Studies teacher, Mr. Pont, looking like he was crying, but we had just lost one of our English teachers in a car accident the previous week, and I thought nothing of it.

When I got home from school, oddly enough nobody else besides my brother and I were home, and I remember turning on MTV (back when TRL was still around and cool) to find it was shut down on stand-by, as was most of the other channels a 12-year-old would tune to. My twin and I jumped around the house laughing about whatever was going on that would warrant all of our shows to be shut off. We eventually got to a news station to see what was going on, and I still really couldn’t process how horrible this day was. I guess I assumed that if something serious had happened then our school, the culmination of a kid’s day, would have at least have said something, anything to us.

This was the day before cell phones were given to every infant while leaving the womb, and I called my friends from our landline to see how I should be reacting. Some of them were crying and some were panicked while others were just as confused as I was. Mind you, I live relatively close to New York City, and to a lot of people in my area this day was much more significant and heartbreaking. If I remember correctly my dad was away on business in Oklahoma, and when my mom came home she looked pretty broken and empty. I was used to seeing her excited, angry, shocked, pretty much any emotion besides blank.

To be honest I think that a lot of my emotions were a reaction to other’s emotions. I really couldn’t understand how horrible this day was. The televisions played over the crash so often that it wasn’t really shocking anymore, and I learned how to deal with that terror very quickly at a very young age. This was around the time in my life that I began seeing dead bodies in the media for the first time and reacting to them with very little compassion. It couldn’t be helped, really, because it was everywhere.

This desensitized view of life prepared me for the aftermath of 9/11: the wars, the constant fear of attack, the death. The next year I sat in history class and watched Shock and Awe, followed by a war that is still going on today, followed by a crippling recession that seemed to just kick our country when it was down. I grew up hearing about parents going off to the Middle East, and now I watch my own friends leave behind their families to fight.

Now that I am ten years older I have a real understanding of what happened. Ten years later I can’t look at videos or pictures of that day without getting upset. I can understand how the broken families feel and I can see the pain that is still hidden in the hearts of my friends and families from what that day did to our country. It makes me upset and angry, because I now realize how much harder September 11th made it for kids like me to grow up. There was so many more issues that we were taught to deal with, on top of all of the hard things that come with being a teenager and young adult.

It’s not fair that we had to go through this, but I still feel lucky. I feel lucky because through those hard times I was surrounded by a support group of people that taught me the right way to see terror and how to cope with all of what I was feeling.

I wish there was more that I could say than just “thank you” to the heroes of September 11th. The cops, firefighters, civilians and passengers that all helped save so many lives deserve everything they could ever want in life, and there will never be enough thank you’s for them. But now that I look back on my life, I have my own personal heroes that I feel deserve thanks as well. I want to thank the teachers, family members, friends and parents of friends that taught me how to cope with what happened to our country throughout the last ten years. I don’t know if I would be able to make sense of life now if I didn’t have the strength of the people that guided me through this last decade. We are all stronger because of the heroes and because of the memories of those we lost that day.

2 Weeks Notice

I finally put in my two weeks notice and Whole Foods. That means, in a matter of a few days, I will no longer- and hopefully never again- be a cashier.

When I put my two weeks in I was excited and relieved and all those emotions you feel when you move on from a job you don’t really want to be in. Then, after a day or two, I started getting nervous and a little bummed out. I like the people that work there, I like (most of) the customers and I know that I can positively get some hours there. The same does not apply to my substitute teaching job, at least as of yet. I am intending on working hard and earning the maximum amount I can in this job, no matter how early I have to wake up or where I have to go, but it still doesn’t guarantee anything. Plus, what if I’m terrible at substitute teaching? What if kids walk all over me or I just do a bad job?

This is a bigger risk than I normally take. I mean, as soon as I graduated college I at least had a job, even if it was Whole Foods, that promised me steady hours while I looked for something else. Here I am, trying to jump into a job that I really don’t know anything about in an actual career, with no idea where I will be. I’m leaving behind a steady job that I’m settling into- sure it isn’t glamourous but I’m lucky to have anything- and I really don’t know where I’ll be in 3 months. Plus, what will I do when the summer rolls around?

I was thinking of going into a seasonal job at Whole Foods, as insurance for this job, but I feel like that is taking an easy way out. By next summer I want to have a career, something real and sturdy that will support my next life move.

This whole job and being a grownup thing is very nerve-racking. I really want to start doing the “adult” things in life- car payments, bills, moving out, you know how it is- but I can’t seem to get that financial footing.

As Kanye says, “Having money’s not everything not having it is.”

Got My Diploma!

I have no idea what this says (illiterate), but apparently it’s a big deal!

Now, after months of waiting, I can… put it back in the envelope it came in and leave it there forever.

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Last Sunday I was sitting here, excited to start my job at Lucky and quit Whole Foods…

And here I am, two days later, completely and totally in a different mind-set.

I didn’t really understand why I was so confused and bothered about switching jobs. I mean I’ve done it a lot before and I really like Lucky Brand as a store but I was terrified. Then I got there and I realized: me settling into another retail job just meant that I was becoming more and more reliant on these jobs that I don’t want as my future. If I kept taking these jobs so seriously I would never have the future I want to have.

After my first day of sitting at a desk in Lucky Brand watching orientation videos I realized that I needed to stick with Whole Foods. I know Whole Foods inside and out, and it will motivate me to become more serious about looking for the real thing.

Even though I made this decision I wasn’t happy about it. I don’t want to be jumping between part-time retail jobs. This shouldn’t be the decision I’m making. Yeah, I was bummed out bad. But then, I was woken up to a call from my substitute teaching position! I had been hired on as a job coach, where I teach special needs students jobs in local stores and businesses. It’s an actual job offer from September-June. A real job!

It’s amazing how quickly life and just totally flip over and brighten up so quickly. It really is. Every time I feel like I’m at the end of my rope something comes along and tells me to keep on going. So here I go I guess.

Moving onto a new job…?

As I get closer to preparing to leave Whole Foods for Lucky Brand I keep panicking. I told my parents and friends at work and they all ask me the same question:

“So you’re going to quit on Sunday?”

Well, as of seven minutes ago, today is Sunday, and as of Sunday I don’t have any answers to that question. I want to leave Whole Foods, because I was told I can expect more hours, I want to dress better, I’m excited to do more than just stand behind a register and I am excited to have a discount that I will actually use. I don’t do the grocery shopping in my house, and since my parents don’t shop at Whole Foods it’s pretty much wasted.

Then I think about the last week or so at Whole Foods. I have actually met some pretty awesome people there, and I would really miss the conversations. Sure, most of the time they are about how dumb work is, but I laugh a lot, smile a ton and I actually like work now (ask me that when I start my 10 a.m. shift tomorrow and I might literally rip your face off of your face). I guess the question I have to ask myself would be, is having fun with my coworkers really worth the poor hours and frustration of always being broke?

When I look at it logically, the answer is simple: obviously I need to work more, and I will without a doubt meet people at Lucky Brand as well. But every time I finish a shift at Whole Foods that is fun I start to regret moving around so much. It’s so conflicting!

I’m also worried about what is going to happen when the fall rolls around and I begin substitute teaching. I worry that I’m not going to get enough hours subbing and that I will have to leave my new job for a job that can’t guarantee me everything I need. I mean I’m so many steps away from being a legit grownup: I need a car, I need to move out, get my own phone plans and car insurance and health insurance. All of that is so so far away and I can’t keep relying on these temporary and limited jobs if I want to keep moving forward with my life, but how can I move forward when I have no idea what I want to do?

Night time is always when all of this stress comes bubbling up, keeping me awake and worried. I can only hope that it will work out, because I like to believe that in the end it always does. I just hate the process I guess.